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Bleak by ~awkwardtortoise:iconawkwardtortoise:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


It was cold today.
The heavy sky was
stretched out above like
the hunted skin of some great
pale beast.
Dead, endless heaven
hung particularly there.
Grainy,
a poorly-developed photograph
from a cheap camera.

The uninvited chill
brought a peculiar nostalgia;
an excitement, perhaps
for now. A twitching
rose in my blood --
my toes over an edge
trembling in space.

I moved with an
unconscious hesitation,
unwilling to disturb.
Weighty and yet
I itched,
all gooseflesh and
daydream.
©2009 ~awkwardtortoise
:iconawkwardtortoise:

Author's Comments

So, here is my first completed "poem" in a very, very long time.
Be mean if you want. I (probably) won't cry.
I don't like the title, if you can think of a better one I'll high five you or something.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconiceisnice286:
~IceIsNice286 Mar 23, 2009, 3:06:22 AM
Title's fine. Good to see something from you again. :)

--
"Don't throw your life away son! You only get one! Or depending on your religious affiliation, SEVERAL! Either way it is a finite number, so think it through!"
:iconawkwardtortoise:
~awkwardtortoise Mar 23, 2009, 9:13:13 AM
Hey, thanks! :D How have you been, anyhow?
:iconiceisnice286:
~IceIsNice286 Mar 23, 2009, 3:27:42 PM
Oh, a little messed up, but I'm fine.

--
"Don't throw your life away son! You only get one! Or depending on your religious affiliation, SEVERAL! Either way it is a finite number, so think it through!"
:iconawkwardtortoise:
~awkwardtortoise Mar 23, 2009, 7:24:34 PM
Good to hear you're fine... what's been happening to mess stuff up? You know, if you don't mind me asking.
:iconiceisnice286:
~IceIsNice286 Mar 23, 2009, 7:29:42 PM
Oh, just relationship issues.

--
"Don't throw your life away son! You only get one! Or depending on your religious affiliation, SEVERAL! Either way it is a finite number, so think it through!"
:iconlaurenjerry:
~laurenjerry Mar 23, 2009, 8:11:42 PM
Beautiful. You know why I love this, I would repeat it but I am very sweaty and itchy therefore irritated. Love you!

--
Funny thing about black and white. You mix it together and you get grey. And it doesn't matter how much white you try and put back in, you're never gonna get anything but grey.
-Lilah Morgan "Angel"
:iconawkwardtortoise:
~awkwardtortoise Mar 23, 2009, 8:20:04 PM
Being sweaty and itchy and irritated= bad. Faves = good. Thank you! :D I love you too. :glomp:
:iconabundantamenities:
~AbundantAmenities Apr 7, 2009, 12:03:06 AM
Dead, endless heaven
hung particularly there.

i liked the itallicized 'there' too. it felt like you were pointing to something, and my neck craned to look :)

i wasn't sure how i felt about the super short lines at the beginning, but in the end i preferred it. gave it a crisp feeling.

loved the ending with 'day dream'. day dream = nice, sweet, romantic.

gooseflesh i didnt like, though. didn't really...fit.

a nice job, my dear!

--
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang, but a whimper
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